Adding a Sibling
Growing a family is a big change for everyone: yourself, your partner, your current child, even pets, heck it affects the whole world if you think about it. Whether you grew up with siblings or as an only child, you always dreamed of having a big family or small, planned or not, adding a new baby to the household can be overwhelming. But it can also be magical. I polled some of my closest mom friends who have more than one child or grew up as a sibling themselves to give you some tips on how to get you and your family ready for baby number two.
But, before we get into ideas that worked for others, and no matter what you see on the internet, see on your feed, read in a book, or even what I'm about to write, the biggest thing to remember is DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Even if it is something that worked the first time around, this baby is not the same baby, and you are not the same mom. You've lived and learned. Your new baby has his/her own plans. And everyone in the family is growing together.
YOU
You are a strong mother. You will be tired and stressed and overwhelmed at times but you will get through it. You will figure it out, we always do.
-Plan and prioritize: meal plan, shop, and prep when you can. Make two "to-do" lists. One of the the things you can only get done when baby is sleeping. Such as prepping dinner, writing thank you cards, making appointments, playing with big brother/sister. The other list is those things you can do with a baby on your hip or crying or feeding, such as creating a shopping list, exercising, putting dishes away, or running errands.
-Invest in a baby carrier and a back pack as a diaper bag. Maybe you received one at your shower but never really used it, ask on your local buy nothing group or mom groups, and keep an eye out at yard sales. Being hands free with two or more children is golden.
-Make time for your self: Haha, I know, but just like making time for big brother/sister (see below) it doesn't have to be a grand event (although that would be nice). A ten minute shower, a ten minute solo walk around the block, a drive through coffee with a napping baby in the backseat after school drop off, a play date with other moms just for socialization, painting your nails (Color Street nail strips because you don't have to wait for them to dry!), or even just binging 15 minutes of a show or the gram with your feet up. All of these are simple but important things for you to do to stay you, and sane.
SIBLINGS
A lot of parents worry about how their first born will handle the arrival of a sibling. Some may be excited, others not so much. Overall, it's important to remember that just like everything else--it's just a phase. How they are feeling and acting this week will change next week. If the homecoming doesn't go as smooth as planned, hang in there, keeping on momming, and big sister/brother will come around.
-Have a small gift for the baby to give to the big sister/brother. A great way to make friends is bring a housewarming gift right? A new baby doll or stuffed animal or this kid's camera. My oldest loved taking pictures of the new baby and everyone that came to visit, as well as a lot of carpets and ceiling shots.
-Put together a busy box. This can be a handful of toys, coloring pages and crayons, random household items, or a dollar store haul (think stickers, colander and pipecleaners, cups and plates for a tea party, chalk and black paper etc). If possible, before baby arrives, have your little help you decorate the box. Pull out this busy box for desperate times- when baby needs to be fed, put down for a nap, or on the bathroom floor so you can get a shower. Similar to toy rotations, if it's something that mostly out of sight, it will be like new toys when you need a break.
-Mommy and Me Time: Of course big sister/brother may feel left out at times and miss all the attention they used to get. When possible, schedule in some mommy and me time. And it doesn't have to be a big production. When baby goes down for a nap, read a book together and cuddle on the couch - doesn't that sound nice! Walk to get the mail together. Play for five. For five minutes, get down on the floor and play. These little things add up and your big won't feel so "second".
-Tell baby to wait. This was one of the best advice I received and it came from my pediatrician. Your first born will likely hear "Just a minute, I have to feed the baby" or "You have to wait, the baby needs me right now" a hundred times over. Make sure big sister/brother also hears you say "Baby, you have to wait, I need to help -big sister's name- right now" or "I'm helping -big brother's name- right now, you need to wait baby." Trust me, they will notice this too.
Don't let mom guilt ruin your day. You are giving each other a gift. A friend for life. Someone that will be there every day to play with. And that's what will stand out. Not the times they had to come second because baby needed a diaper change or bottle.
YOUR PARTNER AND FRIENDS
The same idea goes that it doesn't have to be a big production. Spending a few minutes a day talking, enjoying a late meal together after everyone is asleep, or a weekly phone chat reminds everyone that you're still there and thinking about them.
Overall, a new baby is a big change for everyone. Take it one day at a time. Enjoy what you can, get through the hard times, and ask for help when you need it, even if it means asking someone to switch the laundry over or bring the waking baby to you on the couch so you don't have to get up.
Now, go play!
